Got to spend the day at Denver International Airport but not in a good way.
11:14 am
Deep Breaths, Today has not started well. Have to fly out of Denver International Airport (motto: We are so far out of town we also serve parts of Ohio) and missed my flight. Left in time but freeway traffic was slow and the parking was packed. Went to one of those outside airport parking lots where you hop a shuttle. The driver kept stopping for everyone even though there were two shuttles behind him and we were packed. My guess was he was mad at the other shuttle drivers and didn’t want them to take anyone to the airport. Finally we got to the terminal and I hopped off. Only had one carry on so ran straight for security.
Loooooooooooog lines but what do you do. Stood there while people texted and did not notice the line moving and young parents (Rant note, for you young parents out there you may want to skip to the next paragraph, Thanks) Young parents decided that this would be a great Mommy Moment to teach their 3 and 4 year old how to carry heavy bags, stand in line, and have a long discussion with them on why they should pick up the bags and keep moving. This happen at least 17 times making me wish I could throw my voice, (Sinister Stocker Voice “Wow look at all the young kids” the next sound is parents grabbing their kids and running ahead)Tick Tock.
Finally got to the line where you strip down and stood where the full body scans are because I have an artificial knee and always set off the metal detectors. I hate standing in that little box of shame in the other lines for a half hour waiting for someone to wand me to death so I don’t mind the five seconds of shame. Actually it is worst for that guy upstairs since he has to look at the great shape we Americans are in. Get up there, stand with arms over head and it swings around. Get out and they ask to step aside while someone pats me down. Pats me down!! The guy upstairs just saw a mole on backside and someone wearing latex gloves is going to do a better job!
This ex Wal-Mart Greeter comes up and wants to be my best friend (Tick Tock)While trying to put on the latex gloves tells me all about his grand kids (Still trying to get on the gloves) how his garden is doing (Tick Tock, In my Head “Would you like me to spit on your hands to see if that helps? “. He gets them on and we have the end of a wonderful date.
Run and get my bags and make a mad dash for the shuttle train. Smart enough to get the middle cars since most people grab the ones at the ends and get to have my legs banged up by a stroller the size of VW bug.
Run down the concourse and get to see the door closing and my plane backing away.
So here I sit waiting on standby and hopefully a seat on another fight. Expect updates and no mercy for my fellow travelers as to what they wear, how they look, and choice of mates.
11:19 am
Ok this weird. I can not post anything to Facebook or my blog using the WiFi at the Airport. Perhaps they don’t want real time rants as to service or smells of fellow passengers?
11:42 am
Day one: Ok just a hour or more: Doing well, found some gum at the bottom of my laptop case. Seven sticks so I should be good for a week. Suspect there are “Others” as I keep hearing small children crying and grown men talking to themselves though something they call a Blue Tooth. Hopefully I won’t be here so long as to have my teeth change colors. Will try to find something to drink at local watering spot called a StarBuck. Still have my humanity.
12:01 pm
Day one: Made contact with some of the “Others” The elders seem friendly enough want to engage me in conversation even if I don’t make eye contact and pile my bags around me like a small fort. Had to change camps because of a tribe I will call “The Dicks” (TD). These are mostly males, well dressed but keep having loud conversations with themselves. Some appear quite upset and even threatening someone named “Bob” with “tearing him a new one!” I am afraid they may turn volatile so moved to another part of the Island.
Was able to barter for some food from a tribe call Vendors. They did not want my gum but did take a small piece of plastic I found in my wallet.
If anyone finds this journal please pass it along to my family and they them I love them.
12:16
Day one: If needed I think I have found some coverings if the weather turn cold. They look to be orange shirts with a horse’s head on them and the word “Broncos” underneath. Might be some-type of religious garment since I see a lot of them on many of the “Others” here. Some speak of this as being an football team but by the shape of those I see I don’t think they could be very active. The “Vendor” is friendly enough and said he would also take my plastic card as payment.
12:45
Day one: I have named my laptop Dell. Placed a hand print on it but had to clean it off so I could see the screen.
I have observed many strange behaviors from the “Others”. One that is very strange is by the young women with small children. They seem to be in some kind of religious trance when their little ones start to act up. The woman will just stare off and repeat the mantra of “Stop, Don’t, Stop, I am warning you, Don’t, Stop, I won’t tell you again, Don’t Stop.” over and over again.
I think that will write a book about this time here and call it Fliers in the Mist.
1:27pm
Day one: Have noticed a disturbing trend. Many of the “Others” seem to be disappearing through doors not to seen again. I went up to speak to one of the protectors of these doors and see if I can go through but no go yet.
Note to self, Jedi mind tricks and telling them that I am a Photoshop Instuctor has no effect.
3:00 pm
Well I finally got out DIA but not on plane but in my car. Got bumped from one Phoenix flight but was told to run over the Albuquerque flight to get to Phoenix that was leaving now. Ran to the desk and was told (I am not making this up) that I could get a seat on the Albuquerque flight and that there were 3 flights out of Albuquerque to Phoenix.
“So I fly to Albuquerque and then get on a flight to Phoenix?”
“Well you would be on stand by in Albuquerque but there seems to be more empty seats there than out of Denver.”
“But I would be first in line for stand by?”
“Well no but there seems to be more empty seats out of Albuquerque for Phoenix.”
“So if I understand you I fly to Albuquerque and maybe get a flight out but if I don’t then I am stuck in Albuquerque.”
“There is that chance. Plus if you don’t get a flight out today you will not get on stand by tomorrow and would have to buy a ticket.”
So it took just a New York Minute to decide to stay in Denver where I live rather than spend the weekend in the Albuquerque International Airport. At this point I just don’t feel that lucky. Thanks Southwest Airlines for a wonderful day.

